Rejection

Rejection sucks. 

We all know that but which part of rejection really sucks? Is it just the feeling of left alone, left out or knowing that another person did not find you worthy enough? Is it because a rejected person falls into this spiral of guilt and blaming himself for the rejection? It is the question of self-worth that’s starting to haunt? 

Whatever it is, clearly it is hard. One of the most challenging things a modern individual has to face, especially when society, social media and consumerism pushes the need for being ‘accepted’ as the most fundamental requirement for sheer existence. But is it? Actually? Is it driven by some fundamental insecurity?

As I think deeper and analyze the feeling of rejection I wonder if there is also a role of narcissism integrated into it. Insecurity and narcissism have a fine line rather than a tangent where it almost crosses over. Insecurity by its sheer nature puts us in a doubt that nobody might ever want us or we will be outright rejected because we are not worth it. On the other hand, narcissism demands that everybody must love us and want us. So when we wanted somebody and they did not, it may leave us disheartened or defeated post-rejection.

Now the whole point is, how one can handle the rejection. Does one now live fearfully for getting rejected and choose to live in isolation? Many might, in an effort to safeguard that insecurity and avoid getting exposed to any threat. Well, here is some truth. Since there is a big world out there, chances are pretty high that there are numerous people who are not going to want us. In fact, there are billions who will never know we existed and so do not want us or miss us or need us ever in any shape or form. Let that thought sync in first.

But then, chances are also pretty good that there might also be a handful who will eventually want us. But remember, they may also evolve and may stop wanting us at a certain point? So as much as we accept change being the only constant, we have to accept rejection with it. Let’s face it.

No matter which stage of life somebody is in, it is pretty certain that they do have all the time in the world. Because you live from your point in life, and experience surrounds you accordingly.

Here is my final and personal nugget on handling rejection and I have shared this with my little son on many occasions. Not sure if he got this concept first time but over time, I am sure it sticks. He came home upset about how he did get the ball passed to him during a basketball game where the rest of the team was from another town and they kept playing among themselves. I agree it was hard for him to fit in for a sport where the rest of the team knew each other but him. He was rejected, not by one or two but a whole entire team with whom he was supposed to play and win a game. He thought he was a good player and wanted to score and it wasn’t something that seemed to happen. 

“So did you then give your remote to them?” – I asked.

He wondered what it was. 

“Well, you were there to play and be part of the team you did not know well. But they chose to ignore you instead. You perceived this clearly and accepted being ignored, watched how they passed the ball to each other and validated whatever they exhibited. At the end, you left with a bad mood completely convinced of the notion they wanted to establish …or rather the show they wanted to play on your personality. You handed over your remote control because now how you react and behave is completely determined by those teammates instead of you. How and why would you do that?” 

Well, it is easier said than done. We do that all the time as adults too. Especially, when handling rejection. When somebody rejects us, we wonder why and dwell over it for days, weeks and years sometimes. And I am pretty certain that as time passes, years go by and rejected person feels an unforgivable sickening regret for not letting themselves those opportunities of getting ‘accepted’ by somebody else, someplace else. So it is pretty wise to take those small, exposing self to vulnerabilities constantly. Embracing the rejections as much as being grateful to acceptance and knowing that you lived for who you are, is all that matters at the end of day.