Lone Wolf

Lone wolf is a bit depressing thing, isn’t it?

Although they hunt and prowl to keep themselves alive, they die sooner than usual because they are not with the pack anymore. They are so depressed, that they howl at moon until their bodies give up, in a futile effort to let their packs know the whereabout. Yes, this is how badly the wolf needs to belong to their pack.

Humans like wolves, were supposed to be living in packs. Packs, that stayed together, protected each other and bonded. But, we are not wolves and we don’t live in jungles anymore.

The civic society, education, development and all sorts of things has made us vagabonds.

We travel and we  have to choose our packs. Sometimes, it’s a choice and other times it is a just a needed compromise. Sometimes, we simply grow out of a pack and until we find another, the loneliness sucks a whole lot of energy out of us. Lone human isn’t any less depressed either.

One day I reached a cross road where I had to choose, to stop belongings. It wasn’t a choice anymore. Unlike a wolf, humans can adapt and camouflage. And some can adapt more than others. I was that kind, guess still am. I adapted, to new pack, belonged completely, bonded deeply until I became somebody I was not. It wasn’t until, a full moon night that I realized, I could not associate myself with the reflection I saw in still waters of lake beneath my heart.

I howled, I cried staring at that full moon. Not just one night, but many nights. Eventually, I started wandering around trying to find my pack. But for humans it works a bit differently. We have to find ourselves first, and so I did. Every time my throat and body gave up from howling at the moon, I sat down and stared at that reflection of mine. Nights after night, the reflection kept changing. One night, it smiled back at me and I knew this was it. It smiled a painful yet familiar smile, teary eyed but it hardly mattered because I had found myself.

So, I continue to wander into these complex maze life presents. I use my wit, my patience and sometimes just shed tears to have the moments melt away into the next one.

As I keep wandering on my own, I hear only my footsteps. The chatters of the pack, I thought I belonged to, keeps fading away. The sounds are diminishing into my past. Sometimes, the pain of losing the pack is so severe I almost want to clench my heart and scream. I do. I let the moon hear it all. That’s our little secret, me and my moon.

Moon, knows it all. Doesn’t he holds it up so brightly being the only moon up in the sky? He doesn’t even have one to howl at. May be that’s how he turned into these mass of grey rocks and cold. We humans cant do that, because we have a heart that beats. We have a vibrations that spreads, we have a spirit that connects and yes, eventually there is always a pack waiting, where we truly belong.